Healing from Within: Self-Care Practices for Anxious Attachment

Healing from Within: Self-Care Practices for Anxious Attachment

Anxious attachment can make relationships feel like navigating through turbulent waters. The constant fear of abandonment, coupled with an unsettling sense of not being loveable or important, can be deeply overwhelming. Relentless worry is likely to erode your self-esteem and peace and create distress in any relationship.

But here's the comforting news: you can calm the storm within. It's not just about learning to ride out those intense waves of anxiety during arguments, waiting for texts, or interpreting perceived slights. It's about nurturing your emotional resilience, fostering the ability to self-soothe, and challenging the negative beliefs that hold you back from relationship peace.

Self-Care Strategies for Anxious Attachment

Overcoming anxious attachment isn't always smooth sailing, and that's okay. Instead of fearing the inevitable relationship bumps along the way or seeking immediate resolution, you can shift your focus toward creating a foundation of internal security and calm.

Let’s look at some practical steps you can take to work towards exactly this.

1) Developing a Toolkit of Self-Soothing Strategies

When anxiety tries to steer you off course and overwhelm you, it's crucial to have accessible, go-to coping strategies. These tools give you the power to manage those intense feelings and find peace within yourself, regardless of what is going on externally.

A few ideas include journaling to untangle your worries, exercising to release endorphins and boost your mood, spending time in nature or listening to soothing music to wash away stress. By finding what works for you and incorporating these practices into your daily routine, you empower yourself to manage anxiety, not the other way around.

2) Grounding Techniques and Mindfulness Meditation

When anxieties about the future take hold, "dropping anchor" through simple mindfulness techniques can help you stay centered in the here and now rather than getting swept up in "what if" thinking. Try grounding yourself with mindful breathing or meditative walks in nature, anchoring your awareness in the present.

3) Physical Self-Care Practices

Because the mind and body are so interconnected, a tense mind often leads to a tense body – and vice versa. Practices like deep breathing, yoga, and progressive muscle relaxation can release physical tension while acting as effective tools for a calmer, regulated nervous system and emotional balance.

4) Setting Boundaries in Relationships 

Those with anxious attachment often instinctively neglect personal needs to please their partners or fear that expressing needs will be “too much” for others and that doing so could lead to abandonment. However, learning to express yourself to ease attachment anxiety and ultimately achieve healthy relationships involves considering your feelings, too.

Use boundary setting as a way to slowly work your way out of your comfort, people-pleasing zone. Check whether a request fits your priorities before automatically saying yes or sacrificing for a partner, family member, or friend. When you want to say no, practice saying phrases like "I'm not comfortable with that right now" or "I need some me time tonight” or “let me get back to you about that” (my personal favorite because it buys you time to really consider what is right for you).

5) Practicing Self-Compassion

When your anxious attachment kicks in, it might lead to harsh self-judgment. You might blame yourself for conflict, catastrophize about rejection, or generalize negative thoughts about your worthiness and ability to maintain relationships.

The key is to interrupt this cycle at any point by developing self-compassionate tools.

Write a compassionate letter to yourself, and answer prompts such as, "If I could speak to a younger version of myself experiencing this, what would I say?" or "What qualities do I admire in myself that I need to remember right now?". Recite or journal positive affirmations like "I am worthy of love" or "I am capable of handling difficult situations."

6) Increasing Self-Awareness and Challenging Anxious Thoughts

Anxious attachment can skew our perceptions around relationships, leading us to jump to conclusions with thoughts like, "My partner doesn't truly care about me." Catching thought distortions through awareness loosens their anxiety-triggering grip.

Pay attention to what triggers your anxious feelings, like certain situations or conversations. When you notice critical self-talk after interactions ("I'm too needy, they're pulling away"), write down concrete examples. Before believing every anxious thought, ask yourself questions like "Is there evidence this worry is 100% true or likely?" and "How might I view this situation if I felt emotionally secure?" Insert kinder, more likely perspectives.

7) Visualizing Secure Relationships 

Positive visualizations are super powerful. Try envisioning interacting with loved ones from a grounded, secure place. When you notice attachment anxiety rising, close your eyes and picture speaking your needs kindly, but firmly, feeling understood. Imagine your posture open and relaxed as you receive care. Allow those emotions to soothe and steady you. This mental rehearsal can have surprisingly tangible outcomes as it reconditions your expectations and responses.

8) Seeking Supportive Relationships and Communities

Just as plants thrive in fertile soil, healing from anxious attachment flourishes in supportive environments. Efforts to foster positive connections—with friends, family, or support groups—can reinforce your sense of security. Share your journey with those who uplift and assure you, not those who amplify your fears.

9) Considering Therapy for Anxious Attachment

With every deep breath and moment spent calmly facing discomfort, you strengthen your emotional muscles. You're rewiring your neural pathways in your brain for trust and resilience, becoming your own anchor in the storms. You begin to be very aware that these feelings will pass, and you can weather them all.

Still, having a caring professional can help effectively identify the roots of ingrained patterns, offering insight and personalized strategies to overcome anxious attachments and navigate relationships from a more secure place.

If you want help healing your anxious attachment, know that support is available. Reach out to me at Hannah Dorsher Coaching for attachment-based coaching. I have an 8- week group coaching program coming up early 2024 as well—sign up for my email list here and get my free attachment quiz to find out your attachment style while also getting updates about my program start dates and information.

If you want to get started healing now, you can also download my free guide: Anxious to Secure in Motherhood and Marriage here!

About the Author

Hannah Dorsher, MA, LPC, NCC, CAT, EMDR is a Therapist and Attachment Coach in Fort Collins, CO who specializes in helping those struggling with anxiety, self-esteem, toxic/unhealthy relationships, anxious attachment issues, break ups, and trauma. I provide therapy with clients in CO and FL. Schedule a free consultation call with me here! I also provide attachment coaching for dating, marriage & motherhood to clients across the globe!