Postpartum and New Year’s Resolutions: Why You Don’t Have to “Bounce Back”

Written By Hannah Dorsher

Every January, the messaging gets louder.

The New Year often comes with a cultural drumbeat: “New year, new you.” For many moms, especially postpartum women, that message gets twisted into something far more insidious — “New year, bounce back.”

If you’re postpartum, exhausted, carrying extra weight, trying to balance motherhood and work, and feeling pressure to “get your body back,” this blog is for you. I get it — I’m 9 months postpartum myself and, despite eating a mostly healthy, high-protein diet and working out consistently (everything that worked for me before this pregnancy to stay in shape), I’m still above my pre-pregnancy weight. Some days I catch myself thinking the same whisper: “Shouldn’t I already be back?” But I’m here to remind you, you don’t have to “bounce back.” And the sooner we release that narrative, the sooner healing actually happens.

Why “Bounce Back” Culture Is Especially Harmful for Postpartum Moms

The idea of “bouncing back” after pregnancy isn’t grounded in evidence or embodied physiology; it’s rooted in unrealistic cultural expectations. In fact, research consistently shows that postpartum weight retention is normal for most women:

  • A study in Obstetrics & Gynecology found that approximately 75% of women retain weight one year postpartum (Gunderson et al., 2012).

  • A longitudinal analysis in The Lancet reported that even 10 years after delivery, many women carry additional weight compared to their pre-pregnancy baseline (Chu et al., 2016).

Beyond weight, the postpartum period involves dramatic shifts in the nervous system, hormones, sleep cycles, identity, and metabolic demands, none of which magically “reset” on January 1st.

The phrase “bounce back” subtly suggests that a woman’s worth or normalcy is tied to how quickly her body reverts to a previous state. This can fuel shame, self-criticism, and discouragement…symptoms we know are linked to poorer mental health outcomes (APA, 2019).

Why New Year’s Resolutions Can Increase Postpartum Anxiety and Mom Guilt

Mental health experts emphasize that self-criticism and body dissatisfaction increase risk for anxiety, depression, and disordered eating patterns (American Psychological Association, 2019). For postpartum mothers–a group already at elevated risk for mood and anxiety disorders–adding cultural pressure to “bounce back” creates an unnecessary emotional burden.

Research indicates that positive body image and self-compassion are protective factors for maternal mental health, helping buffer against depression and anxiety in the postpartum period (Tylka et al., 2015). When we shift away from unrealistic goals and toward supportive goals, we support our nervous system and our mental health. 

My Own Postpartum Experience With Bounce-Back Culture

I’ll say this in full transparency: even as a therapist who helps women navigate attachment wounds, anxiety, and self-esteem, I still feel the tug of “bounce back culture.” Nine months after having my baby, I’m still carrying about 20 extra pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I eat a high-protein, nutrient-dense diet, I move my body regularly, and I prioritize rest when I can, but the weight is not moving yet. And because of this I notice that little internal voice comparing my journey to some invisible standard.

And that’s exactly what this is — a cultural standard, NOT a biological imperative.

This experience is teaching me something vital: resting into your postpartum body isn’t lazy or indulgent.  It’s adaptive, compassionate, and necessary for your long-term wellbeing as a mother, partner, and human.

What to Focus on Instead of “Bouncing Back” After Birth

If you’re thinking about New Year’s resolutions, here are ways to reframe goals that support your body and mind rather than punish them:

1. Focus on Regulation, Not Restriction

Instead of restrictive diets or overly rigid exercise goals, aim for activities that regulate your nervous system:

  • 10 minutes of slow breathing

  • A 15-minute walk with your child

  • Gentle yoga or stretching

These help lower stress hormones and improve mood.

2. Set Behavior–Based Goals Instead of Weight Goals

Rather than “lose X pounds,” try:

  • “Eat one leafy green with lunch every day”

  • “Prioritize sleep when I can”

 Small wins support confidence and resilience.

3. Honor Your Body’s Signals

Postpartum physiology is unique. Appetite, hunger cues, sleep needs, and energy vary widely. Respect how your body feels and give it credit for the extraordinary work it has done and is doing.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Studies show that self-compassion predicts better body image and lower stress (Tylka et al., 2015). When you talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend, your nervous system hears safety which is a key component of secure attachment healing.

5. Connect with Supportive Community

Whether it’s a mom group, a therapist, or an online community, shared experiences create normalizing support, not comparison.

How Attachment-Based Therapy Can Support Postpartum Healing

If you find that the pressure to “bounce back” is wrapped up in anxiety, perfectionism, or deeper attachment wounds, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I help women and moms through:

Together we can shift your resolutions from unrealistic to restorative.

You Don’t Have to “Bounce Back” to Move Forward

This year, give yourself permission to not bounce back, but to show up. Show up with softness. With curiosity. With support instead of self-judgment. Your body and your nervous system are not problems to be fixed; they are complex, adaptive, and deserving of compassion.

The best resolution you can make is one that supports your mental health, your emotional safety, and your everyday capacity to be present with your family and yourself.

FAQ about Post-Partum Mental Health:

1) Do You Have to “Bounce Back” After Having a Baby?

No. There is no medical, psychological, or emotional requirement to “bounce back” after birth. Postpartum recovery is a gradual process that can take a full year—or longer—especially when healing from birth trauma, sleep deprivation, or postpartum anxiety. Pressure to bounce back often increases stress and disconnection rather than health.

2) How Long Does It Really Take to Recover After Childbirth?

Research shows that physical recovery can take at least 6–12 months or longer, and emotional or nervous-system healing often takes longer. Hormonal shifts, changes in identity, and the demands of motherhood mean postpartum healing is not linear—and there is no universal timeline.

3) Why Do New Year’s Resolutions Feel So Hard Postpartum?

New Year’s resolutions often focus on control, productivity, and self-improvement—values that can conflict with the realities of postpartum life. For many moms, especially those with anxious attachment, resolutions can trigger guilt, shame, or feelings of inadequacy instead of motivation.

4) Can Postpartum Anxiety Be Connected to Attachment Wounds?

Yes. Attachment wounds can resurface during postpartum because motherhood activates our need for safety, support, and connection. When those needs feel unmet, postpartum anxiety, perfectionism, or over-functioning can increase as a way to cope.

5) What Is a Healthier Alternative to Postpartum New Year’s Resolutions?

Instead of goal-based resolutions, many postpartum moms benefit from setting intentions focused on nervous-system regulation, support, and self-compassion. Intentions such as “I will listen to my body” or “I will ask for help when I need it” are more sustainable and protective during this season.

6) When Should a Postpartum Mom Seek Therapy or Coaching?

Support can be helpful if you’re experiencing ongoing anxiety, guilt, body image distress, emotional numbness, or difficulty resting. Attachment-based therapy and postpartum coaching can help moms process pressure, heal from birth experiences, and rebuild trust with their bodies and themselves. If you are experiencing suicidal or homicidal thoughts you should contact help immediately. Look up your local mental health crisis services number, call 988, or call 911.

7) How Can Attachment-Based Therapy Help Postpartum Moms?

Attachment-based therapy helps postpartum moms understand why certain triggers—like body changes, comparison, or expectations—feel so intense. It focuses on creating internal safety, strengthening self-trust, and reducing anxiety rather than forcing change through willpower.

About the Author

Hannah Dorsher, MA, LPC, NCC, CAT, EMDR is a therapist and attachment + motherhood coach specializing in anxiety, attachment wounds, birth trauma, and relationship healing. She offers therapy to clients in CO and FL and attachment/motherhood coaching to women worldwide.
Learn more about her course Anxious to Secure—Healing Your Anxious Attachment and her therapy services here.



APA References

American Psychological Association. (2019). Mental health and body image. https://www.apa.org/topics/body-image

Chu, S. Y., Callaghan, W. M., Bish, C. L., & D’Angelo, D. (2016). Gestational weight gain and postpartum weight retention among U.S. women. The Lancet, 389(10058), 2275–2285. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(16)30054-6

Gunderson, E. P., Lewis, C. E., Wei, G. S., Carnethon, M. R., Loria, C. M., & Sidney, S. (2012). Long-term postpartum weight retention and subsequent BMI gain among black and white women: The CARDIA study. Obstetrics & Gynecology, 119(2 Pt 1), 335–344. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22270158/

Tylka, T. L., Calogero, R. M., & Daníelsdóttir, S. (2015). Body image and eating concerns among women: A protective role for self-compassion and body acceptance. Self and Identity, 14(4), 427–450. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2014.993217



Hannah Dorsher
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