Healing While Mothering: Navigating Attachment Wounds While Raising Little Ones

Motherhood is transformative—but it’s also a magnifying glass. When you’re caring for young children, old attachment wounds from your own past often rise to the surface. Being a mother means you’re constantly modeling connection, safety, and emotional regulation—while, at the same time, trying to heal your own sense of safety, worth, and belonging. Obviously, this can be a lot.

If you’ve ever felt triggered by your child’s crying, overwhelmed by their constant need for reassurance, or worried you’re “messing up” because of what you went through yourself, you’re not alone. Healing while mothering is messy, hopeful, and absolutely possible.

Why Motherhood Activates Attachment Wounds

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth, teaches that our early experiences with caregivers shape our internal working models—how safe we feel, whether we expect to be seen, and whether we believe our needs matter. If caregivers were inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or overwhelmed themselves, children often grow up with attachment wounds—internalized beliefs like “I’m not enough,” “I’m too much,” or “If I reach out, I’ll be rejected.”

These beliefs don’t vanish when we become parents. In fact, parenting small children often puts us face-to-face with them. Separation anxiety when you leave your toddler at daycare, feeling incompetent when your baby can’t be soothed, or bracing yourself for criticism from family members—these aren’t just everyday stresses. They can echo the very dynamics you experienced as a child. This is especially true during the early years, when sleep deprivation, unpredictable schedules, and constant caregiving reduce your emotional bandwidth. Under stress, attachment wounds speak louder.

Research supports this lived reality. A meta-analytic review found that contextual stressors like parenting stress significantly undermine maternal sensitivity—an essential ingredient in forming secure attachment with children (Tudehope Booth et al., 2019). Other studies show that when parents become aware of their own attachment styles and intentionally work on healing them, children show better emotional outcomes—more secure bonding, better regulation, and healthier social relationships (Rodrigue & Reeves, 2015). So, there is it—If you are working on yourself, your children tend to fare better in terms of becoming securely attached themselves. In other words, working on yourself is worth it!

How to Heal While Mothering

Here are some practical ways to work on your healing while raising your little ones:

• Notice Your Triggers
  Track the moments you feel most dysregulated—bedtime, drop-offs, meltdowns. Naming the situations that activate you is the first step to responding instead of reacting.

• Practice Somatic Grounding
  When your nervous system is activated, tend to your body. Plant your feet firmly on the ground, place a hand over your heart, and take slow, extended exhales. This helps signal to your body that you’re safe now. Dr. Aimie Apigian emphasizes these types of micro-moments of regulation to create a felt sense of safety in the body.

• Create Gentle Rituals
  Small, predictable rituals soothe both you and your child’s nervous systems. A consistent bedtime routine, a special morning phrase, or even a shared calming scent can build predictability and connection.

• Reparent Your Inner Child
  Offer yourself the same kindness and compassion you’re giving your child. Use affirmations like: “It’s okay to make mistakes,” or “I’m still a good mom even when I’m tired.” This begins to shift your inner narrative from criticism to compassion.

• Seek Secure Support
  Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Whether it’s therapy, a birth trauma group, a supportive friend, or an online community, give yourself the gift of being seen and validated. Every time someone holds space for your story, you’re rewriting your internal map of what’s possible.

Moving Toward Secure Attachment for You and Your Child

Healing while mothering isn’t about being perfect or erasing the past. It’s about learning to repair, to pause, and to build new experiences of safety in real time. Every small act of self-regulation, every compassionate thought toward yourself, every supportive relationship you allow into your life helps you grow a new internal model—one that you’re simultaneously passing on to your child.

You are not just raising a child—you are mothering while healing. And that deserves the same gentleness, patience, and celebration you give to your little one.

References

Tudehope Booth, A., Macdonald, J., & Youssef, G. (2019). Contextual Stress and Maternal Sensitivity: A Meta-Analytic Review of Stress Associations with the Maternal Behavior Q-Sort in Observational Studies. arXiv. https://doi.org/10.1101/1908.09968

Rodrigue, E., & Reeves, R. V. (2015, April 21). Getting attached: Parental attachment and child development. Brookings Institution. https://www.brookings.edu/articles/getting-attached-parental-attachment-and-child-development/

About the Author

Hannah Dorsher MA, LPC, NCC, CAT, EMDR

Hannah Dorsher, MA, LPC, NCC, CAT, EMDR, is a Therapist and Motherhood & Attachment Coach based in Fort Collins, CO. She specializes in helping women heal from anxiety, attachment wounds, toxic/unhealthy relationships, trauma, and birth-related challenges. As a mom herself, Hannah is passionate about supporting women through the unique emotional landscape of motherhood—from navigating attachment triggers in parenting to processing birth trauma to reclaiming their sense of self.

She provides therapy to clients in Colorado and Florida, as well as attachment-focused coaching for dating, marriage, and motherhood to clients around the globe. Hannah is also the creator of Anxious to Secure: Healing Your Anxious Attachment, a self-paced course designed to help individuals move from anxious to secure attachment.